Undesirable..

I feel unwanted physically. It is probably, in all actuality, not how the situation is. It does however feel that way from my self-depreciating perspective. There is a general lack of physical intimacy, only off set by alcohol or dream induced arousal on the part of my significant other. I feel like i have to ask for it, sometimes for a few consecutive days. I don't particularly like feeling like a beggar. I'm left to feel like I have to take what I can get, when I can get it. That doesn't lend itself too well against his hunt for another boyfriend. Occasionally the two thoughts team up to really make me feel insufficient. Having just been rejected during one of those aforementioned somnambulant episodes, I feel is a new low hanging bar. Hey, not only can I be a reject in the waking world, but now not even hot arousing dreams are enough to make him want me... I just keep thinking that, perhapse, if he were in a relationship with someone else, he'd be far more motivated and engaged sexually than he is currently. I think that's part of the reason I agreed to let him date others. Let's test my theory, and see if it holds true. What happens then, if I do find my theory is correct? I guess then, at least I can martyr myself for a cause I can justify selflessly...