Relationship filigree

  Somewhere between the initial discussion about opening our relationship and the husband actually dating someone seriously, I have found myself exploring the freedoms granted by this new structure. This all happened by way of a series of awkward and unexpected events. I never thought I would be utilizing these freedoms, and I feel guilty for doing so. In spite of this, I continue treading along the path, because I can't stop myself. Each further conversation only greater enamoring me towards this new person in my life.

  I don't know what I'm doing. I have this strong fear as if I were perched out on the tip of a long, thin tree limb. I have climbed high into the canopy. Each lively new breeze threatens to bend my support beyond its capacity, and thrust me into open air. I'm twitterpated and terrified. My insecurities are starting to leak out, and the flow could erode the integrity of the levy withholding an epic emotional flood. Part of me just wants to spring from my branch, sail into the sky, and embrace the fate of what's below. That's what feels safest. The pain would be guaranteed, but at least it would be familiar and  more manageable. There is the possibility that the limb won't break, and over time it would certainly grow larger and more or sturdy. The question is whether I can hold out, or whether the safety of the ground prove too tempting to ignore..